August in Review

I just realized it's been over a week since my last post. My apologies. But I promise...I have a good excuse.

August 2007 hasn't been the best month for me. Well...for me and the hubby. This month has been filled with extreme highs and extreme lows. I don't need to get into everything, but since this is my space....my place to post my thoughts...I will share now. I was afraid of opening myself up so much to the public and being left vulnerable. But now that things are said and done I can post a piece of me that's a bit more personal.

So here's the abridged version.

In mid July, G and I found out we would soon be becoming 3. I was pregnant. Fast forward to my first prenatal appt. in August. We come to find out I was miscarrying. There hadn't been much growth and no baby could be detected in the ultrasound. In the end this came to be medically referred to as a blighted ovum. The pregnancy stopped around the 3rd or 4th week. But G & I spent 8 weeks living life like I was pregnant. We bought all the books, began to look forward to our new future, and even told a few close relatives and friends. It was a big blow. We were suddenly vaulted from being extremely happy to the extreme sadness associated with grieving a loss. The last 3 weeks have been emotionally draining. From more blood tests and doctors appt's to figure out of it was a loss, to finally going to the hospital [this Monday at what would have been 10 weeks of pregnancy] and having outpatient surgery to clean out my uterus. Life threw us a curve ball when I unexpectedly became pregnant. But we embraced it like a planned pregnancy. And then the 2nd curve ball....taking everything away.

Such a loss is something you have to go thru to know just how hard it is. We spent the month secretly grieving and putting on a happy face to the rest of the world. I constantly wanted to post about all this. So I ended up making a private blog that I named baby Geefunk. This blog has become my therapy. The blog starts at the beginning and I continue to update it. Feel free to browse some of my posts if you'd like more in depth details as to what has happened.

At this point I am only hoping for an easier September. One filled with more good times than bad times. I thought posting would be a good idea since I have found that blogs that post about such events have really helped me thru. So I can only hope to someday help someone else that is going through the same thing. It's tough...and sometimes it's too much to get through on your own. Everything that has happened to date has thrown my head for a loop and I've felt like I've been having an out of body experience. I can't seem to focus on much these days. I'm really hoping that September brings m brain back and I can get my shit together again.

So a day early, I raise my glass to September. Bring me a good month. I need a break.