Inspired

Ever feel so - wow - I can't even think of the right words. Let's try again. I just finished watching the movie History Boys and boy do I feel inadequately prepared to ever call myself a Historian.

Let me give you some background. I majored in History. My Bachelors degree is in History. Sure, I focused on U.S. and Mexico's history, but sometimes I feel so unprepared to even begin to think about some day becoming a some-what historian (yes I know i need another 5-7 yrs of schooling). These kids in the movie are beyond smart. I do not want to compare myself, wouldn't even be possible, but the level of history that this kids have learned is beyond me! Just to know that there are people out there that are this smart.....man.....i have no chance. My state university education cannot stand up to the caliber of some of the knowledge private school kids come out with (but not limited to private schools, of course).

I love history. It is my passion. I left the business program to pursue my passion. Something that I have slowly forgotten in the 3 years since I received my degree. Where am I? I ask myself this question almost everyday. I am working in accounting [I hate & suck at math] not even doing "real" accounting work [thank gawd because I failed accounting 3 times]. I sit at a desk and do an average of 2 hours of work, Monday thru Friday, and the rest of the time is spent broadening my knowledge of useless mine numbing facts via the internet. Maybe I should have stuck with my Computer Information Systems major. No.....all I can think about is how bad I want to return to school. I want a masters....a PhD.....I want it all. But am I too late? Sometimes I feel like everything I learned has been filed away in my brain in a key less safe. If I go back to school now, will I be behind? Do I have anything left I can offer to the scholarship? I should....since history is constantly being made.

Fuck it. The phrase of the last couple of months. Fuck it. I'm gonna do it. You can quote me on that. I'm tired of downing myself and making myself feel inadequate. Yes, there are a hell of a lot smarter people out there. But I can and will persevere.

The first step is the hardest, and boy do I hate college applications. So here we go. Guess I better look for some free money too. Dang it sucks to be living paycheck to paycheck!
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Oh yeah....the movie. They where so effing smart it inspired me. I was mesmerized. I wanted to be them. I want to ace my A-Levels and pass the test to get into Cambridge. Not really, but close enough. Unfortunately, I don't think my hubby was as inspired. Well....maybe...inspired to take a nap. :-p